i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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