can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
