i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
