Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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