she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
