sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
