Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
