very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we made out on top of his cat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
