I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
