He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
