i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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