I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
