Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
