Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
