Apparently you make a good broom.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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