I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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