she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
