When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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