I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
