i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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