dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
