I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
