I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
