i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just high enough for therapy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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