You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
