Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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