So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
