the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
