Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
