Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
