i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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