I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
