He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
