HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
