Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
