What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
