whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
