my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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