no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
