Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
