i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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