I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
