id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize