and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
