My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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