The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
