Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
