My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize