He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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