I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize