Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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