girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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