Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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