I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
