the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
