We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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