Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
