you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
