dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
