Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize