And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
