Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
