I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
