I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
