i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
