Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
