Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
