so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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