Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
