why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
