i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish life had little blips of pornography
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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