His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
