Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
