we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
