I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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