He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
