We named our party play list daddy issues
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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