Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
