Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
