normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
