So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
