Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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