I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
