wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
