Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
