if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
