Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Randomize
