I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize