I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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