You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
