I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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