Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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