she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize