I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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