Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
