i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
