i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
