I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
