Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
