i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
