wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
