Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
