if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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