Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
