I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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