I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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