It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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