At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I had to cum in my sink.
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