He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize