WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
